“OW! MY ASS” Is Much Easier To Scream Than “OW! MY COCCYX!”

This post is a long time coming, and I apologize for this.  I was under the impression that a fantastic photo would be provided, and that photo was going to be the cornerstone of this blog post.

Alas, the photo I desired (of me flying through the air, one hand holding an iPhone, one hand flailing about, and one ass about to slam square into the pavement) never materialized in my inbox.

So, this photo of some fantastic SOCKS (#socks) will have to suffice:

Look at those socks (On the right. That's me. And my socks). Photo from www.brittanyvervillephotography.com

Continue reading “OW! MY ASS” Is Much Easier To Scream Than “OW! MY COCCYX!”

How To Get Lapped Like A Pro

Sometimes you do a cyclocross race, and you aren’t as fast as the leader.  This happens to lots of people, no matter what field you’re in.

Everyone, at some point in their life, gets lapped.

It’s fine.  Don’t worry.  It’s not a judgement on you.  It’s just how life goes.  Some days, you are the lappee, and at some point you may be the lapper.

This is why it’s important to know how to get lapped like a pro.

Continue reading How To Get Lapped Like A Pro

It’s Time To Drop Some Fancy Dudes

So I am doing ANOTHER charity bicycle ride.  Because I care about charity?  Or something?  Or I like doing bike rides.  Yes.  All of the above.

Regardless, it’s the King Challenge on October 15.  And it’s on all of the roads I live on and own.  And because it’s roads that I know and love (and own), I fully intend on smoking all the fancy boys at the bicycle ride in townline sprints.

Fancy boys include Ted King (obviously) and his teammate Timmy Duggan.

And I will smoke them on townlines.  Or, at the very least, I will try really hard and fail catastrophically and they will all laugh at me for being an idiot.

So, if you’d like to support a fantastic brain injury rehab center, you can do so here.

And I will do my best to beat fancy boys in townline sprints.

Seriously, Velonews

So Velonews decided they wanted to make more money on their website, and to do so, they filled it WITH ADS.


That'll teach me to mouse over anything on the side of the site.

Even the BACKGROUND is an ad that you can click on. Any of the images on the right-hand side? If you mouse over them, they take over your screen and start playing ads.

This is really shitty. Poorly done, dudes. It’s been like this for a while, but today just pushed me over the edge.

I Need Socks

Are you a company that has your logo on socks?  Are you a sock company that is sitting on a pile of extra-large (suitable for size fifteen US feet) socks?  Would you like photos of your socks to fly about the Internet and as advertisements in publications?

I can make this happen.  If you give me your socks.

This is a real life advertisement in Cyclocross Magazine featuring my legs and my socks.

If you cannot tell, I am wearing a lovely pair of Zanconato socks.  I won them in a raffle.

Here is a better photo of my legs and the socks that I am wearing at the bottom of my legs:

These could be your socks.

This photo is grainy, as I took it off of Colin Reuter’s Twitter page.

If you give me some socks, I will wear them at all cyclocross races.  I will also blog about your socks.  I will give them an honest review.  I am an honest man.  If I review the socks, and they suck*, I will say so.  I will send the socks back to you, and you can take the shitty socks and burn them (as that is what one does with socks that suck).

I will talk about your socks incessantly on the Twitter, to the detriment of losing followers who are tired of hearing me talk about how great (or how shitty) your socks are.  I don’t use Facebook very often, but I will start using it to talk about your socks.

I will put socks on my dog and take cute photos.  Maybe even post them to Instagram.  Are you into sexy photos of skinny, hairy guys wearing nothing but SOCKS?

Well, that’s good, but don’t push your luck.  I will probably** not send you photos of me wearing nothing but socks.

Contact me at ryanneedssomefuckingsocks@exit17.net if you have some socks that you’d like to give me.

*Please don’t send me shitty socks.  Let’s not waste our time here.
** I might.