This is a blog post about running

Sometimes you have a toddler, and you and the place that provided you with a cushy desk job have a disagreement about what is a “fair market salary”, and then your life becomes somewhat chaotic and the decadent exhaustion of a six hour road ride gets archived into the memory bank alongside the ability to drink three 40s in a night and still be functional the next day.

At this point it is wise to say fuck it to the never-stopping time furnace that is required to support the glorious experience of being moderately competitive in Pro/1/2 bicycle racing in New England, and it is time to murder your old gods for the new god of RUNNING.

Here is my Strava Social Fitness And Future Advertisement Ejaculating And Current Time Algorithming Network history for the last few weeks.

The reddish things are running, the blueish things are cycling, fuck you I’m colorblind. Also I don’t know what the hell was going on at the end of September, probably announcing and eating cheese.

Yes there is a lot of running there. Or, at least, way more running than riding.

I have been dabbling off and on with running for the last (how old is my kid?)…almost four years.

yay running

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I didn’t really run on a somewhat regular basis until we escaped the meth-addled snapping turtle infested money pit of a farmhouse in Atkinson for an 1100 square foot ranch in Exeter. But, even when I was not doing it consistently, it was a nice way to quell the anger that my soul generates on a daily basis in a much more efficient fashion than my old method – riding a bicycle for two hours while screaming at people driving cars that cost more than $80k.

Unresolved anger and class warfare aside, once I started running on a regular basis, it was terrible, unenjoyable, and continued to be so for a long time.

When I am running, I feel like the output of an under-powered video card rendering of a mech. I am the personification of a Large Adult Son, lumbering through the world, sweating out meat and Cabot cheddar as I frighten the students of a prestigious prep school.

I’ve been running three times a week (or so) since January of this year, and as I said, dabbled a bit for the years prior, but have only really started thinking about it in any sort of serious fashion (while running like a meat-fueled mecha) since the end of August.

But after three months or so of thinking of exercise only as a way to keep my cardiovascular system from disintegrating, running has become slightly less terrible.

Don’t get me wrong, those runs leading up to the point of the terribleness decreasing were real shit. In 2015 I was running a bit, and one day I ran a few miles, and pulled something in my legs, and then I couldn’t…do stuff. Like ride a bike. Or pull up on my legs? It was weird. I went to PT. I had to stretch. I had psoas issues. It was “great”. So that was fun. But, in late 2016 when I started again, I started very slow. Like a mile. And then as I got into 2017 I started building up, slowly, from there.

But now, I actually look forward to running. I am less concerned about ripping some muscle to shreds (though I am still very careful). I can actually see improvements!

Improvements aren’t really a thing that is going to happen for me in cycling ever again. I’m basically tweeting like Uncle Rico about rides from 2012/2013. But running! I have so much GROWTH OPPORTUNITY (that is “business speak” for “I totally suck at it”). I’m a pile of fucking garbage at running! But if I can figure out how to make my arms not fly around like a pterodactyl, or what to do with my giant feet, or how to manage my asthma, I could improve on a monthly basis.

So, wait, why am I writing this blog post?

Oh yeah, okay, so it is getting to be the DARKNESS SEASON and cycle-cross racing is ending and more of my friends keep having kids and GUYS LET ME TELL YOU give this running thing a chance. Yes those first several (dozen) runs are real terrible. But if you Strava that shit you’ll see that you are improving. And isn’t it nice to be getting better at something for the first time in years? No? That’s just me? Huh okay, fuck you guys.

Here is a quick list of Pros and Cons

PROS CONS
Quick! Good workout in like 30 minutes.
Low equipment costs.
Easy to do while traveling.
If you have a dog you can run with your dog and make your dog tired.
JOGGING STROLLERS.
People I know keep getting hit by cars while riding a bike.
In the winter it doesn’t take 20 minutes to get dressed to run.
In the winter you don’t have to worry about salt ruining your equipment.
If you race cross it could be helpful.
It is good prep for having to carry your child across whatever burned out hellscape we will face in the next few years.
The tempo of “You Can’t Kill Me” (and thus “Amazing Grace”) fits well with my usual running pace. YMMV.
Holy shit bike riding is so much more fun.
Sometimes it jostles out a too-robust fart.
It sucks for a while.
You might pull a thing and then not be able to pick up your kid.

Okay, this has been a blog post about running. I want to race my bike, but I also don’t want to get DROPPED, and that requires more preparation than I have time for.

2 thoughts on “This is a blog post about running”

  1. This is perfect man. I started when the twins were born after one last year of cross racing regionally and had to do something after hanging up the wheels as they say. It sucked for a while but after doing some races up to 30 k on and off road it’s not so bad and I feel like an athlete again and hey, if I can feel good about life for a couple hours on a long run and be a better more chilled out dad and partner why the hell not. We do what we have to. But I would be a liar if I said I didn’t miss my bike everyday.

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