(There might be spoilers in here, though I tried to avoid it. But are you really concerned about spoilers for this movie? It’s friggin’ GIANT ROBOTS FIGHTING MONSTERS, this isn’t The Sixth Sense.)
This isn’t going to be a movie review, just an alert that says “hey I watched this on the rollers and I didn’t want to quit riding after twenty minutes, here are some things about it”. Anyway.
I missed this movie when it was in theaters, because I am a cheapskate and because I would rather do something other than watch a movie in a theater. So, I guess I shouldn’t say I “missed” it – as that would imply that I tried to “catch” it.
I did watch it on a 13-inch laptop. I bet if you were riding rollers in a theater or in front of sizable display and weren’t watching a stream of questionable legality, it could look really awesome.
But that doesn’t really matter. I’m trying to distract my brain from how boring riding inside is, and a pixelated series of moving images works just fine.
So the movie? Perfect roller movie. Well, that is if you can do the following:
- Forget anything and everything you know about science and inter-dimensional portals.
- …including what the underground of a world-city like Hong Kong is like (hint: probably has a lot of infrastructure that would collapse for 100 feet under the weight of a mecha/kaiju fight)
- Not be concerned about the likely millions of movie-people who died when the Jagers are “defending the city”
- Try to call out what will happen next, because you’re probably right (as the movie is really formulaic), and you will feel good about yourself as a film expert
- Probably some other things.
Despite going into this movie knowing that I should forget what science is, I did find myself screaming at the screen in two instances.
First, when the main character guy, Raleigh (how little was I actually paying attention to the characters? I just finished watching this movie, and had to look up the main character’s name on Wikipedia), declares that his robot is safe from an EMP because it’s not digital, it’s analog. And then says something about it being nuclear.
It didn’t make sense on so many levels that PERHAPS it escaped normal logic and makes sense on some other plane that I don’t know exists.
Yelling at the screen at this point, with my arms above my head, full of anger, also helped test my balance on the rollers.
The second time I screamed at the screen is when Raleigh’s fighty robot unleashed a sword mid-battle, which APPARENTLY Raleigh FORGOT EXISTED.
YOU MEAN TO SAY YOU’VE BEEN FIGHTING MONSTERS FOR YEARS IN THIS THING AND YOU DIDN’T KNOW IT HAD A SWORD?
There was a long period of yelling at that.
Actually, I’m glad I didn’t see it in the theaters, because I would have been screaming at the screen during both of those scenes.
As I think about it, there many are other elements of the movie that I laughed at the absurdity of, but let pass by. If I can believe that monster-destroying robots exist, I should be okay letting go of my understanding of how underwater nuclear blasts work.
So, despite these moments that broke me out of “the zone” (“the zone” is when I forgot I was riding the rollers inside a barn), this was a perfect roller movie. I only got off my bike once (halfway through to get more water), as opposed to a usual roller ride where I’d find excuses to stop, eventually giving up after thirty minutes. The time actually flew by – as my eyes were focused on the screen and not staring at my bike computer waiting for the seconds to tick by.
As a fan of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, I was pleasantly surprised that Charlie Day was in the movie (having no idea beforehand), though he is not very “Paddy’s Charlie”. There are moments, though, where his character’s enthusiastic verbal explosions made me think about burning trash to make stars.
I was generally engrossed in the movie, which is the goal of a roller movie. It also reminded me that movies about giant robots are generally awesome, so this might be something I explore further as the weather gets uglier.
Aaaaaanyway, this is a movie you should watch on the rollers or trainer or Noridctrack or whatever.