A list of nonsensical thoughts somewhat related to bike racing and my impending demoralization at Gloucester.
1. I would enjoy bike racing so much more if I could do it dressed as Mega Man. I’d settle for a Mega Man helmet, though.
2. Another sweet racing accessory would be a Daft Punk helmet. Don’t know if that’s UCI legal though.
3. Cross would be a lot cooler if the winner got to take the souls of those he defeated, like Shang Tsung in Mortal Kombat. But only if he says it in a very campy style with horrible techno pouring out of Richard Fries’ PA system. Side note – after watching that trailer, all I can think about are parallels between Mortal Kombat and cyclocross. And Powers is definitely Johnny Cage.
4. Why don’t cross bikes have rims? Big, spinning rims? I NEED THAT. I NEED SPINNERS ON MY BIKE. Cannondale, you’re innovators in the industry. Get on that shit.
5. I wonder if I can become a cyclocross hitman, and get paid to crash “real” riders out as they lap me. And, if so, how much I could make, and how quickly it would take the crashed rider to remove his crankset and bludgeon me to death with it. Even through my Mega Man helmet.
6. Of the 50 people registered for the Elite race, I have beaten maybe five of them through my cross career. There is a very solid chance that I could finish dead last. But, at the very least, if I am finishing dead last, I’m going to make sure I have a giant fucking pile of fun in the 30 minutes of racing I do before I’m lapped.
Oh, hurry up and make your signs to heckle me. It’s almost Saturday.
THEY SPINNINNNN’!
Be ready for the sign of all signs…it might even have an arm that will reach out and punch you in the face…or choke you and end your cross season.
of the known riders, you are expected to beat 6 according to crossresults.com
I am getting a bike put together, which means we can do cross bike racing at the steve weller bike race in the goose poop park!