exit17

The heat battle continues

So I’m sitting on the recliner in my living room yesterday, bundled up with a blanket, attempting to keep the fluid in body from freezing and bursting every cell in my body. It’s about bed time, so I go to walk upstairs.

On my way out of the living room, I announce to the apartment, “You know, tonight I’m going to sleep with the clothes I’m going to wear while riding the rollers tomorrow morning in my bed so they’re warm when I get up.” An announcement meant to highlight the insanity of keeping the heat a few degrees above zero Kelvin.

My roommate Dan walks out of his room. “You know, it’s just like you’re camping!” he excitedly informs me.

“Yeah, Dan, except I’m not in the wilderness. I’m in a fucking house with walls and insulation.”

Then I went to bed.

But we, as an apartment, are achieving some victory over the utility companies. For our last heating bill, the average outside temperature was ten degrees cooler than the previous bill. And our heating bill? It went up from $34 to $37. A whopping increase of three American cakes. What does that mean?

15 Maple: 1
PSNH: 0

Take that, bitches.

This isn’t to say that we can’t afford to pay for heat, it’s just that we choose to not want to pay for it. Sort of our pathetic attempt at sticking it to the man, and Dan’s attempt at saving our already doomed Earth. Although I’m pretty sure that the amount of High Life empties I produce and styrofoam grilled cheese takeout containers that Ken produces offset the benefits of keeping the thermostat at a level that would make my dad (who is notorious for low heat) cringe.

But a cold apartment isn’t much of a problem for my roommates, as they spend their 9-5 at a heated office. I, on the other hand, spend my 9-5 in a relatively unheated apartment, where I attempt to keep my hands warm by sitting on them, one at a time, so one is available to type.

As a result, I have recently started a tire fire in my room for warmth. Sure, the walls of my room and the inside of my lungs are probably the same deep black of Goodyear, but my hands are toasty!

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