When I was trying to figure out something last night, I dug back a few years in my iPhoto library and realized I had a treasure trove of photos from my cross heckling career.
I also remembered that I pay for a friggin Flickr account which I rarely use. But in my Flickr account are a ton of photos of bike racing!
This includes Dan Cassidy running, and looking not-pleased about it.
And Powers racing with an iPod.
There are also great shots of Jamey’s Mullet, among other things.
In 2006, I put on a cross race at UNH. We thought it would be a good idea to do it on a field near campus. We thought it would be awesome and everyone would have fun.
HOWEVER, we did not take into account that most of the course was practically five feet below the water table. That there was no available water for bike washing. That the starting/staging area was about 100 feet long.
As a result, people were running almost the entire race, derailleurs were ripped off, Merlin from SRAM (yes, we somehow got him to show up) just said “Fuck it” and took my bike down to the nearby stream after I handed it to him after my “race”. He dunked it a few times, and handed it back to me. As he passed it off, his eyes met mine, and his gaze communicated to my soul a message along the lines of “Holy shit, kid, this is the shittiest race I’ve ever been too.”
I would like to thank everyone on the Internet who helped support me in the King Of The Road Challenge. I appreciate this very much, and I will be sending out personalized ball photos shortly.
In addition to meeting my fundraising goal, my preparation for this ride has also included spending hours on Google Maps, figuring out the locations of all town lines on the route. I will try to keep the Internet updated (via Twitter) during the ride tomorrow, though I managed to soak my iPhone on my ride in this morning, so my Internet prowess might be somewhat limited.
I’m also excited that the one and only Drew Szeliga is the MC for the post-ride festivities. I am 100% assured a call up!
I think I may win one townline sprint. That is if I’m able to catch Tim and Ted off-guard, though the army of sexy bikini-clad ladies that I’ve hired to stand on the side of the road throughout Seacoast NH should take care of that.
OH HELL YES SOCKS.
I got a box o’ socks from my friends at People For Bikes. Well, specifically, probably one friend. Also included in the box was a collection of COFFEE.
This is great because I am a person who likes bikes, and I like pushing the agenda of a bicycle as a fantastic mode of transportation. I also like socks and coffee.
I grabbed two pairs of socks, a few packages of coffee, my camping stove and bike racing shit and hopped in Curtis’ car and OFF WE ZIPPED to Providence (we could not take bikes to Providence, as this was an instance in which a car was a better mode of transportation).
It drives my boss nuts, so she just sent me a screenshot of this Facebook group, lamenting that she can’t join it because it’s going to be archived:
I got really excited because I thought that this comic was going to be about Windows ME. It’s not. But it’s still great.
THIS IS MY FUCKING LIFE.
Hey, Ash Whatcha Playing? Puzzle Quest (Color Blind) Destructiod – YouTube.
So I am doing ANOTHER charity bicycle ride. Because I care about charity? Or something? Or I like doing bike rides. Yes. All of the above.
Regardless, it’s the King Challenge on October 15. And it’s on all of the roads I live on and own. And because it’s roads that I know and love (and own), I fully intend on smoking all the fancy boys at the bicycle ride in townline sprints.
Fancy boys include Ted King (obviously) and his teammate Timmy Duggan.
And I will smoke them on townlines. Or, at the very least, I will try really hard and fail catastrophically and they will all laugh at me for being an idiot.
So, if you’d like to support a fantastic brain injury rehab center, you can do so here.
And I will do my best to beat fancy boys in townline sprints.
What is this, you say? I thought Ryan was gonna race bikes until his face fell off, and now he’s heckling instead of racing?!?
Yeah. Well, sometimes I make great plans to race my bike a shit ton, totally forgetting that I sometimes suck at a level that is unmanageable and I have to spend the day on the couch. Also I hate mud, and I hate breaking my shit.
Continue reading Heckling Report – Night Weasels (AKA Bog Weasels 10K Fun Run)
