If your company has suddenly instituted restricted internet access, bring those fuckers down by downloading gigabytes of terrorist documents, illegal porn and other files of interest for the FBI.
Sure, you’re going to go to jail, but your company will probably have to pay a hefty fine.

The next time you are on a date with a sexy man or woman, fart on their food when they leave the table.
Then, later, when you are engaging in sexual intercourse and are attempting to coerce them into tossing your salad and they refuse, surprise them with the fact that you farted on their food, [...]

Punching your dick is generally less bad than hitting on girls in front of their fathers and your own girlfriend
- Mr. Colin Reuter

If you are a guy, refer to all of your female friends as your “harem”.
If you are a girl, refer to all of your male friends as your “sausage train”.

To easily discover if a young woman is interested in you, send her a picture message of your balls.

Don’t let anyone boss you around.
When someone starts being a dick to you, simply throw them in front of a speeding train.
PROBLEM SOLVED.

There are going to be some changes going on around the Idea A Day headquarters.
First of all, the daily, unique idea emails are going bye-bye. Why, you may ask?
When Ken and I started this, we thought it would be fun if we had…maybe 20 subscribers. Then those 20 grew into 30…into 40…and now [...]

Sometimes you might be worried about becoming fat.
Solve this problem by doing massive amounts of crystal meth and attempting to run across the country.

Let’s say you’re locked in an attic with a mad gunman.  I’m not going to sit here and imagine what it is that he wants from you specifically – after all, this is a crazy person we’re talking about, he’s got a gun and he’s wearing nothing but Spongebob memorabilia – but I will say [...]

Ken looked down at Ryan and said, “Dude.  Hey.  Stop sucking for a second.  Hey.”
Ryan lifted his head up and they locked eyes.  “Mmmffrrgh?” he said.
“I just…I just had an idea.”
Ryan cocked his head slightly to one side.
“Oh my God.  Oh my God.  I JUST HAD AN IDEA!  SUCK ME TO COMPLETION!  GOOOOOOOOOO!”