If you are a guy, refer to all of your female friends as your “harem”.
If you are a girl, refer to all of your male friends as your “sausage train”.

To easily discover if a young woman is interested in you, send her a picture message of your balls.

Don’t let anyone boss you around.
When someone starts being a dick to you, simply throw them in front of a speeding train.
PROBLEM SOLVED.

Sometimes you might be worried about becoming fat.
Solve this problem by doing massive amounts of crystal meth and attempting to run across the country.