“OW! MY ASS” Is Much Easier To Scream Than “OW! MY COCCYX!”

This post is a long time coming, and I apologize for this.  I was under the impression that a fantastic photo would be provided, and that photo was going to be the cornerstone of this blog post.

Alas, the photo I desired (of me flying through the air, one hand holding an iPhone, one hand flailing about, and one ass about to slam square into the pavement) never materialized in my inbox.

So, this photo of some fantastic SOCKS (#socks) will have to suffice:

The day: October 15th.  The event:  The Krempels King of the Road Challenge.  The place:  Somewhere around here (I think.  I don’t know.  It was like two weeks ago).

I had told the fiancee that we’d be back at Timberland, where the ride started, around 11:30.  It was looking like we’d be there a little bit later, so I asked a friend if I could use his phone to send her a quick message (I managed to soak my iPhone the previous day and was without an Internet Device).

I was riding in the group, on a road that I’ve ridden dozens of times before, knowing that we were probably turning in about a mile or so.  I had the phone in one hand and was firing off a message when OH SHIT WE’RE TURNING HI TIM DUGGAN’S WHEEL.

So Tim’s wheel clipped my front wheel, I went flying off my bike and landed square on my ass, immediately letting loose a string of expletives (because, as I mentioned, I landed square on my ass (and I have a low tolerance for pain)) before quickly reassuring everyone that I was, in fact, quite alright, but that my ass hurt.

I was with the group doing the long ride (55 miles), and there were about forty people standing around watching me writhe in pain on the pavement.  There were also probably four or five people out of those forty that were watching me and laughing their (non-battered) asses off at the hilarity of my situation.

Because it was quite funny.

I had a non-serious injury because I was sending a text message while riding a bike in a large group (certainly the dumbest thing I had done that week, and probably for the entirety of October) and I was shouting about how much my ass hurt.

After Mavic gave my bike the all-clear, I hopped back on it and gingerly followed the group the last few miles back to Timberland, trying my hardest to put in a good effort on the Watsonburg (I did not win).

I was not the only casualty in our group – Mike Barton (yes, the Mike Barton) crashed on Durham Point road.  At first the group was concerned that someone crashed, but when it was discovered that it was Barton who crashed, we all felt sorry for the road that he landed on and probably damaged.

But it was probably better that myself and Barton crashed, as opposed to someone new to large group rides.  I’m (sort of) used to it (despite still having the pain threshold of an 11 year-old crown prince), and it won’t turn me off from the sport.

All in all, the ride was much fun.  Jesse Anthony and Lyne Bessette shared a tandem and terrified everyone with their massive combined wattage, Timmy Duggan came out and crashed me (which is going on my resume), and there was copious amounts of beer and pizza.

I’d like to thank all of those people on the Internet who donated money to me.  Your ball photos (as punishment) and personalized ball photos (as a prize) are being pulled together as we speak.

And if anyone comes across the photo of me flying through the air, please, share it.